Hebrews 13:8

These last weeks have been filled with more joy than I can describe. I am incredibly excited about marrying Lucas Ryder. He is more than I've ever dreamed God would have for me. I'm so overwhelmingly blessed by him. His wisdom, his perspective, his interest, his humor, his commitment... I'm so grateful.

Yes. There are more details than I could have possibly thought there'd be. The temptation to hyper focus on the wedding day is there. How are there so many options?!

But, God never changes. His hand is on our relationship. He cares about us. He also cares about making us holy. Set apart. For Him. To be used by Him, for His purposes.

So, I will rest. I will marvel. I will live slow, savoring His ever present grace. I will live with my palms open... because my Father gives good gifts to His children.

I will give thanks.

And smile.

January 19, 2014 :-)

Last Sunday was January 19, 2014. It was already a very special day, because it was January 19, 2013 when Lucas and I began "officially" dating again. I had hoped to go see him, since I had MLKJ Day off, but he said he was "really busy" that weekend, so I was planning to travel the next.

Even though we were apart, he made it very special. Prior to last Sunday, I received eight handwritten letters in the mail. All different, all very sweet, all sharing his thoughts.

So, I was happy last Sunday. Missing him, of course, but reveling in all of our memories from this last year. I had been planning to update Facebook with a picture and some words about him in regards to our one year dating anniversary.

After church that night, I sat at the computer, looking through pictures, choosing one, and I sat, deep in thought, thinking of what I wanted to say. I remember just sitting, lost in thought, lost in memories...and for whatever reason I turned, and there! sitting less than a foot from me is Lucas! In the flesh! With a gorgeous bouquet of red roses! I had no idea he had slipped in!!

I screamed! "Lucas!! What are you doing here?!" I was laughing, nearly crying, hugging him, my family all there...I couldn't believe he had surprised me.

So he asked me to help him get things from his car. I went and got my coat, and he said I needed gloves...it was cold. And then I thought...oh my goodness! I think I know what he's about to do. :-)

We walked outside, I'm still in complete shock that he's here. We looked up at the stars poking through the clouds. He said that there wasn't very many stars out tonight. "They're still there, behind the clouds," I reminded him. We talked about what we've learned this year about each other, about trust, commitment, about love. For the first time, he said those life-changing words, "I love you, Alanna."

And he patted the snow on my driveway with his shoe. My driveway where I spent countless hours walking and talking on the phone with him. That driveway where we sat so many times talking in the car before going into my house. And there in the snow under those beautiful stars, he knelt and asked me to marry him.

*Sigh* 

It will forever be a special memory in my mind.

Everything that followed was such a blur of joy. Sharing the news with our parents, our siblings, our families, our friends. That giddy crazy excitement of realizing we will spend our lives together.

What happened on January 19, 2014 has changed my life! :-)

So now, the planning for our wedding is in full swing. But we are also preparing for our marriage. For that happy day will be here and gone before we know it, but our marriage will remain for as long as God gives us life. I can't even express the supreme honor I feel being chosen by Lucas to become his wife. To have the privilege to live out my days at his side. I know I can trust him with my heart, to lead me closer to Jesus. He, like no other, inspires me to be all that I can be for God...to use this life to grow, to become, to love, to reach out. I am so excited about ministering alongside him in God's kingdom, wherever that will be. Lucas completes me, sharpens me, softens me. His love is changing me. And I like who I'm becoming.

I love you, Lucas Ryder. I'm looking forward to the day when I become your wife!

Two Years

It has been two years, exactly to the day, that I have been teaching full-time.

Let's just let that sink in.

;-)

Wow.

Two years. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I didn't do it well. I had so much fear. But God brought so many people that spoke truth in my life during that time. His word was (is) my refuge.

I've had several quotes/verses on my mirror for nearly two years now.

"Faith In. Fear Out" - Laura Bell

"Fake it till you make it."

"Love thinks the best!"

"Practice, Practice, Practice! You are what you repeatedly do!" - David Hartkopf

"Be prepared to thank God in any circumstance."

"I may be small, but I can do BIG things with Jesus."

"You either live with the pain of discipline or the pain of regret." - heard on KLOVE

"Keep Calm and Count On"

"The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; And His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life." - Psalm 42:8

"O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." Psalm 90:14

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." James 1:2-3

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." - Galatians 6:9

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith, in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing." - 2 Tim.4:7-8

"Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." - James 1:12

These were my life-line through long, stressful, frustrating days, and long, fitful, fearful nights.

But the story doesn't end there.

Two years later.

What have I learned?

To laugh more, and loathe less.

To smile, to sing.

That perfection is not the goal, but progress, principles.

That anything is better when it's a game.

That prayer is the best preparation.

That giving thanks is how to breathe.

To keep the main thing, the main thing. And often, completion of a worksheet, is not the main thing.

To listen more, and talk less.

That a little "brain food" (candy, goldfish) never hurt anyone. ;)

To celebrate.

To slow down.


Over the past two years, I've had the supreme privilege and honor of being "teacher" to 45 kids.

Wow.

That number will humble you.

45.

Was I Jesus to them? Are they seeing Jesus in me?

Prayer is truly the best preparation to fulfill your purpose.

Lord Jesus. You are so faithful. When I'm weak, You are strong. Thank you for your closeness these last two years...for equipping me each day with what I need. May Your word, the seeds, not return void. May these 45 be world-changers for You. Help me to continue learning and growing alongside them. Thank you for this incredible opportunity to be Your hands and feet. I need You Jesus every moment.

Gifts in 2013

In 2012 I read a book that changed my life. Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts along with her blog radically changed my thinking. I realized that my giving thanks to God is one way I can see Him ever-present in my life. He is always giving of Himself. Everything allowed in my life can bring me closer to Him. So, I'm striving to live slow, to keep my eyes wide open, to see the gifts, to see Him.

Here is a collection of pictures of different gifts my good Father has given me. I am so blessed.

My sweet family. God knew I needed them.

 

 

 

 

 

My dear aunt Brenda. She's my cheerleader.

My brother Andrew. Loyal and loads of fun.

My dear Lucas. Every moment with him is truly a gift. I adore him.

Ruth, Joana, and Rachel - three beautiful women who've helped shape my sweet man into who he is today.

This wonderful family - so many happy memories with them.

What a privilege to teach these kiddoes. What an immense responsibility.

My small group ladies. How beautiful to walk on this journey with them.

Rachelle - my kindred spirit. I love this girl.

Chen - my good Mexican friend who's introduced me to his beautiful country.

 I'm truly blessed how God has led me into relationship with these dear "gifts." It is my prayer that in 2014 God will help me to love Him fully and as a result I will love others well.

God's love never changes, but I want it to change me.

Why should I fear?

I'm at a piano recital for several of my kiddos. Oh, how I remember those days. So nervous...so terrified. But, how important they were. Yes, you're vulnerable...everybody's watching...but if I'd only realized that a) everybody's rooting for you and b) it's good to have the opportunity to feel those nerves and learn how to deal with them...because they certainly don't go away as you grow older.

Recently, I've been thinking about fear. Yes, not the most positive thing to feast your mind upon. But fear is incredibly real. I was listening to a preacher and she said that fear is the predominant tool Satan uses to deter and distract us from our relationship with God.

No wonder God's tells us over and over "Fear not..."

I think it's Ann Voskamp that says that fear is belief gone wrong...belief that God isn't good enough...that He's somehow not in control.

As I type that out, it's ludicrous. Fear simply should not be part of my thinking.

Thoughts...how do I stop harboring fearful thoughts? With the truth of God's Word.

God's perfect love casts out all fear. (1John 4:18)

Do I fully understand God's love for me? His never stopping, never giving up, always and forever love for me? A love that seeks my highest good? A love that may allow pain, knowing it's the only way I will ever resemble Jesus? A love that allows me to love others in ways I never thought I could? His love never changes but is always changing me.

Why then, should I fear?

My response can only be to rest, to remain in His promises. And to face each day hopeful, "hope-filled" knowing He is always working all things for my good.

He certainly has brought peace on earth.

Wisdom

"Wise men are only wise because they make their priority the seeking of Christ.

All our moments, all our waking -- all the globe is a looking glass to God, and the wise keep seeking the presence of Christ in a thousand places, because you only come to yourself when you come to Him."

- Ann Voskamp, The Greatest Gift

Blessings Day 30

So many blessings on this last day of November...

-warm sun
-furry kitten friends
-a stroll with sweet Grandpa and Luc
-chatting with Andrew and Lucas on the deck
-fun times during pictures
-drinking coffee
-crazy football win
-birthday celebrations
-doing dishes while listening to music
-loving on that sweet baby
-one last walk with Luc
-that starry black sky
-talking of the past, our future, God's faithfulness
-my hand in his
-living life...together

Blessings Day 29

Thankful for:
- A drive through the country with my Luc
- Spending the afternoon with sweet Rach
- That special bond between a brother and his sister
- Laughter...tears...smiles
- That long refreshing talk with a fellow teacher "Teaching is the best thing there is."
- ping-pong. ;-)
- our drive to the airport (yet another one)...talking...enjoying each other's company

Blessings Day 28

That early morning playing with my sweet cousins. "I wanna sit with you!" It was a day filled with sweet fellowship and yummy food. :)

Blessings Day 27

Today, I'm thankful for life - 25 years in fact. Thankful for the family God placed me in. Thankful for a friend who chooses me each day. Thankful we all spent the evening together.