Ok...this post is going to take me less than ten minutes, because I have other things to do, but I want to document my thoughts, because I'm afraid I'll forget them!
This is my "last" semester at GBS. "Last" because I will student-teach in the Fall of 2011, so this is my "last" of classes. Honestly, I'm so sad!! I don't want it to be over yet! Honestly, I wish I could take back the first several semesters. I would have studied and learned more. I would have saved more money. I would have practiced harder. I would have built better mentoring relationships with my awesome professors. I would have worried less. I would have not cared so much of how people think. I would have bought a big study Bible and put my Drs. Brown notes in it from my very first Bible class.
Yeah, so looking back, I have some regrets. Some things I wish I could reclaim. But I can't, so I'm not going to cry over the past, but learn for the present and the future.
I occasionally check a blog, and they had heard of an idea of coming up with one word to describe 2011. I've been thinking about this, and my word is NOW. It kind of sums up what God has been teaching me. It is so easy to get into the mindset, especially through HS and college, that I am preparing for my future. "Real life" is still "out there." I really don't need to be serious now (making habits, making wise choices, being serious about doing what's right). I'll do that when I graduate or when I get married or when I get a "real" job. Well, God and others are showing me that life is NOW. Reality is NOW. And my future is inseparably tied to my choices NOW.
NOW is the time to mature in my relationship to God.
NOW is the time to really hide God's word in my heart that I might not sin.
NOW is the time to really love people. Unselfishly. Like God loves.
NOW is the time to practice, and practice hard.
NOW is the time to minister, really minister.
NOW is the time to pray and fast and intercede.
NOW is the time to read good books and surround myself with good influences.
NOW is the time to develop healthy eating and exercise habits.
NOW is the time to develop self-discipline. To stop doing unnecessary things.
NOW is the time to spend with those you love.
NOW is the time to learn what you would like to learn.
NOW is the time to think positive and stop complaining.
NOW is the time to always make your bed in the morning.
NOW is the time to do your best at whatever your hand finds to do.
NOW is the time to just breathe and enjoy God's beautiful nature.
NOW is the time to LIVE!
This is how I'm feeling. I'm tired of running in the same mediocre jog. I'm ready to run - to learn all I can, to live all I can, and to love all I can.
NOW
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Determined
Do you ever talk to the devil?
I don't make it a practice, but I did the other night going home. You see, I'm realizing that the devil really is like a roaring lion seeking to devour me. So I spoke out loud. I don't recall exactly what I said but something like, "You will not win this battle. You will not deceive me or cause me to be distracted. I will not allow you to let this destroy me. I will not become bitter. I will not lose my joy!"
With tears trickling down my face, I made another step in the right direction.
I am determined to overcome. Determined.
I don't make it a practice, but I did the other night going home. You see, I'm realizing that the devil really is like a roaring lion seeking to devour me. So I spoke out loud. I don't recall exactly what I said but something like, "You will not win this battle. You will not deceive me or cause me to be distracted. I will not allow you to let this destroy me. I will not become bitter. I will not lose my joy!"
With tears trickling down my face, I made another step in the right direction.
I am determined to overcome. Determined.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Mountains
"Let the mountains bring peace to the people..." Ps. 72:3 NASB
* All pics except for the last were taken by my father Frank Smith.*
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Were it not for grace...
Sometimes it is really easy to let that feeling of hopelessness overwhelm you, especially when working with unsaved children and teens. (My friend Jo blogged about this very thing just a few days ago.) It seems so unlikely that these kids will ever accept Christ and live for Him. Their lives are so completely different from my teenager life that I just lived merely a few years ago. But, yet, they are just the same. They are wanting to feel accepted by their friends. They're are trying to figure who they really are on the inside. Ultimately, I think they do want to do the right thing. But how do we get them across "the bridge." How do we get them to see that it isn't about going to church, but knowing the One who began "church."
D was going to come tonight, but T said she got in trouble. I asked her what happened, and she said that D had got caught stealing lip gloss from Meijer. But T, on the other hand, goes to court this Friday because she hit her mom a few weeks ago and ran away from home.
I just sit and silently shake my head. I really cannot understand the lives these girls lead. But yet, they are living the life that should have been mine. I could have very easily been the one going to court Friday and the one arrested for stealing. Were it not for grace...
Lord, Is it ok that I truly don't understand Your grace and how You measure it out...I don't understand why I was born into a Christian family, went to Christian school, learned about your love at such an early age, attend a Bible College, and have accepted Your gift of salvation. I don't understand why it was me, and not them. But God, I do know that you give us ALL grace. Help me to sprinkle Your grace on the lives of those who live so differently than me. Lord, I may be the only Christian that they know - Help me to be a true Christian. May they see Jesus - His love, compassion, grace - through me.
D was going to come tonight, but T said she got in trouble. I asked her what happened, and she said that D had got caught stealing lip gloss from Meijer. But T, on the other hand, goes to court this Friday because she hit her mom a few weeks ago and ran away from home.
I just sit and silently shake my head. I really cannot understand the lives these girls lead. But yet, they are living the life that should have been mine. I could have very easily been the one going to court Friday and the one arrested for stealing. Were it not for grace...
Lord, Is it ok that I truly don't understand Your grace and how You measure it out...I don't understand why I was born into a Christian family, went to Christian school, learned about your love at such an early age, attend a Bible College, and have accepted Your gift of salvation. I don't understand why it was me, and not them. But God, I do know that you give us ALL grace. Help me to sprinkle Your grace on the lives of those who live so differently than me. Lord, I may be the only Christian that they know - Help me to be a true Christian. May they see Jesus - His love, compassion, grace - through me.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Today was good in so many ways.
I shall list them:
"God's in His Heaven, and all's right with the world." - Robert Browning
- I didn't sleep in.
- Hence, I was the first student to my 7 am class - a feat for me!
- My 2nd period class was canceled.
- My big bro took me and two others to a awesome coffee shop during the aforesaid 2nd period.
- Practice for over an hour on the piano.
- Had a good band rehearsal - LOVE the Christmas songs
- The chapter I had to read in the library really was only 1 page long; the rest of it was etudes that I can't practice in the library.
- After about 15 minutes of driving around downtown, I found the library (Walnut to Ninth) and got my books for my senior worldview seminar project.
- I took a different highway home. A nostalgic drive for sure. Reminiscing over the last year - realizing how much I'm growing/maturing. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace...
- Upon arriving home, I just sat in my driveway, reveling in the deliciously gorgeous afternoon. I think I fell asleep for a few minutes.
- And I've had the whole evening at home; it's been quite lovely.
"God's in His Heaven, and all's right with the world." - Robert Browning
Sunday, November 7, 2010
It's all about Him!
"Christ must increase, and I must decrease."
Today I participated in something that was far bigger than myself, for that is truly what ministry is. There is something so incredibly powerful about singing songs, that have been chosen for over a month, which so clearly aligned with the pastor's message that it could have only been done by God.
I'm so grateful for the body of Christ. There is no higher, closer community. Complete strangers, yet they are friends. Because of our love for God, it is natural to love those who love Him too. It is encouraging to see a group of believers committed to following Christ in the future of their church. I was very honored to worship with these people today.
Pastor Johnson preached about how in the Christian life, Christ must be increasing, and our self (the un-Christ-like part of us) must be decreasing. Not that our personality or self-worth diminishes, but our plans and wishes and dreams align with God's kingdom work. We must remember our role. Especially in our weakness and "humanness," God can then prove His strength and power.
Lord, May I continue decreasing myself and increasing Your role in my life. Break me. Humble me. Take ME out of the picture, so people can see You. Truly, that is when I can effectively minister. Thank you for showing me your guidance today. I love serving You!
Today I participated in something that was far bigger than myself, for that is truly what ministry is. There is something so incredibly powerful about singing songs, that have been chosen for over a month, which so clearly aligned with the pastor's message that it could have only been done by God.
I'm so grateful for the body of Christ. There is no higher, closer community. Complete strangers, yet they are friends. Because of our love for God, it is natural to love those who love Him too. It is encouraging to see a group of believers committed to following Christ in the future of their church. I was very honored to worship with these people today.
Pastor Johnson preached about how in the Christian life, Christ must be increasing, and our self (the un-Christ-like part of us) must be decreasing. Not that our personality or self-worth diminishes, but our plans and wishes and dreams align with God's kingdom work. We must remember our role. Especially in our weakness and "humanness," God can then prove His strength and power.Lord, May I continue decreasing myself and increasing Your role in my life. Break me. Humble me. Take ME out of the picture, so people can see You. Truly, that is when I can effectively minister. Thank you for showing me your guidance today. I love serving You!
Saturday
It is 12:24 a.m, but it actually means it is 11:24 because Daylight Savings Time ends!
I think I've always loved Saturdays, but especially recently. With my work week only falling on M-F, Saturday is always a day off! :) It is also a family day - big breakfast around the table and then supper either at home or at a restaurant.
I slept on the couch last night by the fire. I think if I ever move from home, wherever I move to must have a fireplace (and a back porch!)
On Saturdays, I usually look my worst and try to hibernate in the house as much as possible. But alas, Dad needed me to take him to get his car from the shop, so I threw on my "Ireland" hat and submissively obeyed. I also stopped at Meijer to buy ingredients to make citrus wassail. Yum! But, I think I'm going to look into growing cloves on my own - so expensive for such a tiny container. But how do you grow cloves? Is it a root, seeds? I really have no clue. I do want dad to check the Amish store next time he goes out there - their spices are usually more reasonable.
For one of my classes, we were assigned a paper/presentation to be done either solo or with a group. I have a love/hate relationship with group work. Sometimes it is great, other times it is a pain. I'm attempting to write a paper on ancient/Biblical harps using someone else's research and it is not the easiest thing I've ever done! But, a page is done, with probably another page or two to do.
I'm so anxious for Thanksgiving vacation and our trip into the mountains of WVa. The older I get, the more I appreciate and cherish the times when my extended family gets together. Because as Bro. Richard Miles says, "Relationships are the most important things in the world."
So very true. God give me wisdom as to which relationships I should invest in...
Tomorrow, I am singing at a revival with some friends of mine. So thankful for this awesome opportunity. I absolutely love music! :)
Oh, speaking of music, you might have noticed some new Christmas selections for your listening enjoyment. You're welcome. :)
I think I've always loved Saturdays, but especially recently. With my work week only falling on M-F, Saturday is always a day off! :) It is also a family day - big breakfast around the table and then supper either at home or at a restaurant.
I slept on the couch last night by the fire. I think if I ever move from home, wherever I move to must have a fireplace (and a back porch!)
On Saturdays, I usually look my worst and try to hibernate in the house as much as possible. But alas, Dad needed me to take him to get his car from the shop, so I threw on my "Ireland" hat and submissively obeyed. I also stopped at Meijer to buy ingredients to make citrus wassail. Yum! But, I think I'm going to look into growing cloves on my own - so expensive for such a tiny container. But how do you grow cloves? Is it a root, seeds? I really have no clue. I do want dad to check the Amish store next time he goes out there - their spices are usually more reasonable.
For one of my classes, we were assigned a paper/presentation to be done either solo or with a group. I have a love/hate relationship with group work. Sometimes it is great, other times it is a pain. I'm attempting to write a paper on ancient/Biblical harps using someone else's research and it is not the easiest thing I've ever done! But, a page is done, with probably another page or two to do.
I'm so anxious for Thanksgiving vacation and our trip into the mountains of WVa. The older I get, the more I appreciate and cherish the times when my extended family gets together. Because as Bro. Richard Miles says, "Relationships are the most important things in the world."
So very true. God give me wisdom as to which relationships I should invest in...
Tomorrow, I am singing at a revival with some friends of mine. So thankful for this awesome opportunity. I absolutely love music! :)
Oh, speaking of music, you might have noticed some new Christmas selections for your listening enjoyment. You're welcome. :)
Friday, November 5, 2010
Post 17
I just realized something that is shocking. In 2008, I had 80 posts. In 2009, I had 50. In 2010, I have....16?!? Absolutely ridiculous! Surely FB hasn't had a thing to do with this...
Now at any given time, I have about 3 notebooks/journals where I am writing my thoughts, prayers, sermon notes, etc. which proves to be somewhat unorganized if I'm trying to fit everything into chronological order. Thus, I really like my blog, because it's a handy-made chronological journal with pictures even! So, although I have less than two months of 2010 left, I'm going to try and make up for it.
I haven't really commented much on this Fall 2010 semester. A lot has been taking place in many different areas of my life. (Warning: Disorganized jumble of thoughts ahead!)
I work around 14-15 hours a week at Ameriprise Financial. I teach 1-5 year olds on Wednesday night. Practice...I practice nearly every day on at least something. I learned how to play the saxophone, clarinet, oboe, and one note on the bassoon. If you play bassoon, there will be special jewels in your crown. I'm learning about authentic and plagal cadences, something of which I knew nothing about only a few weeks ago. I'm on PA crew for band AND choir! I just recently performed in a literature recital and added quite the contemporary arrangement to Beethoven - I now have a great deal of sympathy for recital mess-ups! I'm learning how to play the violin, which I'm secretly (shh!) enjoying. I'm learning to trust God with my future, and to not micro-manage situations. I drink coffee nearly every day. I'm singing at a revival on Sunday - so excited about this opportunity. I am in a woodwind quintet, which has been a great learning experience. I was able to personally evangelize to three men at a park - an experience I will never forget. Just in these few weeks, I have listened to top-notch, quality sermons that is and will continue to forever impact my life.
Late night chats with girlfriends. Making cookies. Tennis. Watching shows. Going to the CSO. Drinking wassail. Laughing. Crying. And lots of praying. Smiles. Forgiveness. Walks in the park. Singing. Love. Bonfires. Sharing. Discussions.
It's been full - this semester. Full of good things. Learning Times. Growing Times. Waiting Times.
If you know me fairly well, you know that I have a special love for the sky. It always seems to catch my attention. Whether it's the first colors on the horizon early in the morning, the myriads of blue behind white puffy clouds, the sweep of red and pink at night, or the glistening stars against the midnight black, my eyes notice. But instead of chalking it up to evolution or just our reality, I think of my Father who painted that sunset, who knows the names of the stars, and who knows me. Lately, I've been overwhelmed with the fact that my life is absolutely safe in His hands. He is my good Father who is working the details of my life out for my good and His glory - they always go hand in hand. I'm striving to cooperate with His guiding Hand. Sometimes it is scary, sometimes I feel as if I'm running out of time, and sometimes I'm tempted to "help the process," but I am learning to wait on Him, to wait on those open doors, and to worship in the waiting.
Now at any given time, I have about 3 notebooks/journals where I am writing my thoughts, prayers, sermon notes, etc. which proves to be somewhat unorganized if I'm trying to fit everything into chronological order. Thus, I really like my blog, because it's a handy-made chronological journal with pictures even! So, although I have less than two months of 2010 left, I'm going to try and make up for it.
I haven't really commented much on this Fall 2010 semester. A lot has been taking place in many different areas of my life. (Warning: Disorganized jumble of thoughts ahead!)
I work around 14-15 hours a week at Ameriprise Financial. I teach 1-5 year olds on Wednesday night. Practice...I practice nearly every day on at least something. I learned how to play the saxophone, clarinet, oboe, and one note on the bassoon. If you play bassoon, there will be special jewels in your crown. I'm learning about authentic and plagal cadences, something of which I knew nothing about only a few weeks ago. I'm on PA crew for band AND choir! I just recently performed in a literature recital and added quite the contemporary arrangement to Beethoven - I now have a great deal of sympathy for recital mess-ups! I'm learning how to play the violin, which I'm secretly (shh!) enjoying. I'm learning to trust God with my future, and to not micro-manage situations. I drink coffee nearly every day. I'm singing at a revival on Sunday - so excited about this opportunity. I am in a woodwind quintet, which has been a great learning experience. I was able to personally evangelize to three men at a park - an experience I will never forget. Just in these few weeks, I have listened to top-notch, quality sermons that is and will continue to forever impact my life.
Late night chats with girlfriends. Making cookies. Tennis. Watching shows. Going to the CSO. Drinking wassail. Laughing. Crying. And lots of praying. Smiles. Forgiveness. Walks in the park. Singing. Love. Bonfires. Sharing. Discussions.
It's been full - this semester. Full of good things. Learning Times. Growing Times. Waiting Times.
If you know me fairly well, you know that I have a special love for the sky. It always seems to catch my attention. Whether it's the first colors on the horizon early in the morning, the myriads of blue behind white puffy clouds, the sweep of red and pink at night, or the glistening stars against the midnight black, my eyes notice. But instead of chalking it up to evolution or just our reality, I think of my Father who painted that sunset, who knows the names of the stars, and who knows me. Lately, I've been overwhelmed with the fact that my life is absolutely safe in His hands. He is my good Father who is working the details of my life out for my good and His glory - they always go hand in hand. I'm striving to cooperate with His guiding Hand. Sometimes it is scary, sometimes I feel as if I'm running out of time, and sometimes I'm tempted to "help the process," but I am learning to wait on Him, to wait on those open doors, and to worship in the waiting.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Update
I have just a moment, but wanted to share:
God is working in my life!
I am so thankful that that statement is true! He is such an awesome, faithful God!
God is working in my life!
I am so thankful that that statement is true! He is such an awesome, faithful God!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
He is Sufficient
It's late and I need to go to bed...but...
I was looking over my blog posts throughout the last year and a half, and I was reminded of God's faithfulness and guidance in my life. I'm glad I have a blog if only for the reason that it journals the faithfulness of God. It keeps it close to my mind, so that I don't forget. It reminds me of Whose strength I've been leaning on, and Who is carrying me through.
A friend of mine posted her "cardboard sign" on FB of how Jesus has changed her life. That got me to thinking of how drastically my life is different because of my faith in Jesus Christ. If I would make my own sign it would say something like this...Before Jesus: "Living MY way, yet I'm so empty." After Jesus, "Living HIS way, and I'm completly fulfilled." God is teaching me that HE is all that I need. Only He can fill the emptiness I feel inside. Only He can fill the God-shaped hole inside of my heart. This makes me want to know Him more, love Him more, serve Him more.
I love you God. Help me to remember that You are all that I need. Help me to realize in my mind and heart this truth - and not waste time with worry or self-pity. Help me to give myself away to those who need to see and feel Your love. Make me real - genuine. Help me to love what You love, and to hurt with what brings You pain. Help me to have Your mind, Your goals, Your plans. I will follow You!
I was looking over my blog posts throughout the last year and a half, and I was reminded of God's faithfulness and guidance in my life. I'm glad I have a blog if only for the reason that it journals the faithfulness of God. It keeps it close to my mind, so that I don't forget. It reminds me of Whose strength I've been leaning on, and Who is carrying me through.
A friend of mine posted her "cardboard sign" on FB of how Jesus has changed her life. That got me to thinking of how drastically my life is different because of my faith in Jesus Christ. If I would make my own sign it would say something like this...Before Jesus: "Living MY way, yet I'm so empty." After Jesus, "Living HIS way, and I'm completly fulfilled." God is teaching me that HE is all that I need. Only He can fill the emptiness I feel inside. Only He can fill the God-shaped hole inside of my heart. This makes me want to know Him more, love Him more, serve Him more.
I love you God. Help me to remember that You are all that I need. Help me to realize in my mind and heart this truth - and not waste time with worry or self-pity. Help me to give myself away to those who need to see and feel Your love. Make me real - genuine. Help me to love what You love, and to hurt with what brings You pain. Help me to have Your mind, Your goals, Your plans. I will follow You!
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