Trust me - I know what I'm doing...

You all would be so proud of my cooking abilities. lol. Mom calls and says, "I know you won't want to do this, but I need you to cook a whole chicken." What Mom doesn't know (and probably anyone else for that matter) is that I actually like the feel of raw meat. I know - weird. So after giving detailed instructions she hangs up.

I get the big guy out of the fridge and start cutting the plastic off of him. With the water running, I began searching for his innards. Well, they're not bagged up as Mom thought they might be. No matter, it's funner this way. Now to identify which organs stay and which ones go. Hmmm... I finally determined which one was the liver (at least I think it was - the liver is the largest organ, right?) More rinsing. Hmm...seems like the neck is still attached. I think Mom thought it would be detached inside the big guy. Do I break the neck? - it seems rather secure. I think I'll just leave the neck inplace. More rinsing - oops there's the liver again. "You must stay inside, Mr. Liver." Finally, I put the big guy in the roaster - I think it's belly side down. Not sure. Now for seasonings - some black pepper, paprika, and red pepper. Yup - that looks about right. Into the oven he goes - see ya later big guy.

(I love to amuse myself. Just be thankful that I didn't post pictures.)