Bye, Bye, Reggie - The End of an Era

A few weeks ago, I said goodbye to Reginald or Reggie for short - the car of my high school, college, and singleness days. And it saw me through dating and engagement and even made it all the way to sunny Florida. But a hefty vehicle registration bill and lack of need led to its demise.

It was a good little car that held so many memories of a significant portion of my life.

It all started with my great Uncle Earl who was a respectable car salesman in Charleston, West Virginia. Dad had contacted him to be on the lookout for a good first car for me. When he called that he had a rarely used car that a college professor just drove to and from the university, I started to get my hopes up. But then Uncle Earl mentioned that it was a manual transmission, and I remember musing that he'd just have to keep looking because I can't drive one of those. But my dad had other ideas. He was going to teach me how to drive it. So we made a trip to Charleston which was a fairly regular event for our family since most of dad's family lives there. On the way back, Dad drove my new car!

I still vividly remember trying to learn how to drive the thing on the slight hill behind Lowe's. Since Reggie was a stick shift, Dad insisted (rightly so) that I had to learn how to stop and start on a hill before I could drive it to Cincinnati to my school which was on top of a giant hill. In my mind's eye, it seems like it was a Sunday evening or Wednesday evening after church when Dad had me practice on "the hill" behind Lowe's. He carefully showed me how to stop on the hill, push in the clutch, and pull the E-brake. Then when I was ready, slowly release the E-brake while letting up the clutch and pushing the gas. I didn't get it. I stalled over and over, jerking the whole family with me. I tried again and still couldn't get it. There were tears and I remember Mom saying, "It's okay, honey! We can take it back and get you another car to drive!" "No! I can do this!" I replied. I asked Dad about the other way, of just using the pedals. Foot on the brake and clutch. Slowly ease up on the clutch while giving it a little gas. When you feel its urge to go, let the clutch out. I got it! I finally got it! Sure, it was jerky at first, and I needed lots of practice, but I could drive it AND start and stop on a hill (which I had to do, many a time).

My friend Rachel did say that I was the smoothest stick driver she knew. :)

Ahh. So many memories in Reggie.

That snowstorm where I hit the ice and spun around on the interstate ending up in the left shoulder instead of the right hand lane that I was intending.

Driving to college, early in the morning drinking my coffee and eating my banana and giant fudge round.

Trips to West Virginia and North Carolina.

Chauffering friends down to Music Hall to take in an orchestra concert. Running that red light (or was it a stop sign) because I was distracted. Oops!

Listening to music. Goodness, lots of music.

Thinking about life. Praying to my heavenly Father.

Chatting on the phone.

Trying to stay awake on my long drives to and from school. Waking up just before I nearly crashed into the wall on the exit ramp. I think my guardian angels were extra busy with me!

It was a good little car and took me the places I wanted and needed to go. But it was time for him to go. Time to move on. Time to let go of extra baggage, the clutter. He had been long dead and had just sat around for years.

His spot on the driveway is still clearly visible where he blocked the Florida sun for four years. But, I know soon that area will be the space for tottering feet, for a tricycle, for chalk art, and more.

It's okay to move on to the wonderful phases that are coming next.

DC Summer Vacation

I'm going to attempt to make this quick because tomorrow we are touring the Capitol and THE WHITE HOUSE! My husband is simply amazing. I mean, who gets into the White House?!

We are having a lovely vacation so far. And yes, it's possible to take a 6 mo. old on vacation. It takes a little extra planning and flexibility (such as changing blow out diapers on the Metro and nursing in restaurants) but it is possible and so much fun!

To recap, we:

- took the Auto Train from Orlando to Lorton, VA. Such a fun experience!

-  attended our friend's wedding even though we arrived just before the bride was walking down the aisle. I95 traffic is no joke!

- found our lovely Air BnB with its surrounding shops and restaurants.

- walked along the National Mall and saw the Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, WWII Memorial and Korean War Memorial.

- have eaten food from food trucks in front of the Washington Monument.

- attempted to go to the National Cathedral, but apparently, the buses are not as reliable as the trains.

- ran into old friends from college. Small world!

- ordered in Chinese food to our room and ate it while sitting on the floor in our room.

- went to the National Zoo to see the pandas who were all sleeping but very cute. (The National Zoo is FREE! You should go.)

- found a public library and printed off some necessary papers.

- ate at Ben's Chili Bowl, a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that presidents and famous people have frequented. Wow, it was good!

- walked around Capitol Hill and toured the Supreme Court, including listening to a lecture inside the Courtroom!

- checked out Union Station, with its own mall and food court!

- have the Metro Rail down pat. Such a great way to get around!

- ate Chipotle, which is always in order.

All in all, it's been lovely being together as our own little family and checking out these amazing, historical sites. Thanks to my wonderful tour guide of a husband for planning this vacation for us!

And now, a few pictures!

I Did It!

I did it!

I ran to the beach and back!

I probably haven't run for about a year and a half.

Thankfully muscle memory took over, and I had my husband and daughter cheering me on. (Thanks, babe!)

I am already sore, and I have a blister as a result of some holey leggings. Yikes!

But, I did it! (And I didn't think I could.)

Running - as most things are - is nearly 99% mental.

It MATTERS what you are thinking! Yes, it does. Amen. That'll preach!



15 minutes later

So I need to clarify. Initially, I didn't think I could do it. I actually didn't think I'd make it to the main road. But I did, so I thought maybe I could make it to the corner. I did. And then I thought maybe I can make it to the bridge. And then as we were cresting the bridge and I was thinking that I might need to walk, Lucas started cheering for me. "Alice, say 'Go Mommy go! Go Mommy go!'" And something clicked. I knew I could do it because he knew I could. I had done it before. I could do it again. Just. Keep. Running. Breath in. Breath out. Had he not encouraged me, I probably would have started walking.

The power of encouragement ... Who are you cheering on?

My daughter is 6 months today!

Alice Fern was born six months ago today! Wow, what an adventure and journey it has been. I am incredibly blessed to be her mommy. Sometimes, I still can't believe that I am a mom and how quickly it's happened. But I love this little girl something fierce.

She is such a happy baby unless she's tired, hungry, or bored. ;) I love her sleepy, squinty eyes after she wakes up from a nap. I love the big smile she gives after she's finished eating. I love that I can catch her eyes from across the room and she beams that gummy smile. I love watching her determination to crawl, especially if she sees something really interesting, like a pair of shoes. I love hearing her shriek in laughter as her daddy tickles her.

I am enjoying this new phase of life, although it has had its challenges and adjustments. But, I'm thankful that I can be at home taking care of her and attempting to keep food on the table for my dear husband and to keep the household running. It is definitely a big job, but I'm trying to learn how to do it efficiently and well.

I'm thankful for God's goodness, His presence, His strength. I am learning so much about His love and care, as I love and care for Alice each day.

And I'm forever grateful for my husband, Lucas. We celebrate 4 years of marriage in a few weeks. Four wonderful years of memories and growth. I love that man.

So, I did it. I blogged. And I hope to continue! :)

Happy New Year from Orlando!

Airport View from the hotel window

Inspiration gospel music

Packing up suitcases

Brain so so so full

Munching leftover Christmas goodies

Thinking on 2015 - Full year in FL, 1 year marriage anniversary, Kindergarten, day after day of God's love and faithfulness

All I have is Him, His Word, His Truth, His Reality!

And He is all I need!

Goodnight 2015.

Hello 2016!

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all." 2 Thessalonians 3:16 (English Standard Version)

Kindergarten!

Today was my first day of Kindergarten! I loved it! God is so good, and His grace is always enough. I'm excited about seeing this group of kids grow and grow this year! And I know their teacher will grow as well. :)

Quote from today: "I can't live without my mom!"

Some days we all feel like that! ;-)

Gifts from Today

- a great Monday with my students (with God ALL things are possible!)
- meeting with parents who are on your page
- walking home in the rain
- making banana bread for a neighbor
- having a little extra to stick in the freezer
- a stocked freezer, fridge, and pantry
- living with my husband (what a blessing!)
- renewing my mind with God's word as I ran
- knowing I wasn't running alone
- showers!

Bus Trip

I'm sitting on a Baron charter bus next to my snoozing husband on our way to Cincy.

Yes it's nearly 1 am, but my heart is so full of God's goodness.

I need to count gifts, to recount the blessings, especially those I've been given this past week during Christmas break.

I am abundantly blessed to be married to Lucas! God is so good to me in providing Lucas to guide and guard my heart. We have been married exactly six months today! It's been a glorious, adventure-filled six months and I anticipate continuing this journey with him.

Not only did I marry this fantastic guy, but I've got the best in-laws I can dream of! They love Jesus and serve Him authentically and are just so fun to be around. It was wonderful getting to see nearly all of Lucas' extended family for Christmas. God's plan for family is so beautiful! I'm grateful that my life will forever be connected to these dear people.

I'm thankful for the reminder this Christmas that Jesus came for us humans - disheveled, sickly, rowdy, needy as we are. The tears were flowing as I took communion with my husband's arm around me. The immeasurable blessings of living for Jesus were tumbling around in my head. He does bring peace into our nights!

Ah the joy of not taking offense, of living with palms open! I'm learning this hard lesson! God is faithful. I'm learning to trust!

The security of knowing I am fully loved and accepted. Life-changing!

I saw so many faces today. Did any of them feel the peace I feel? Knowing they are fully loved and fully known by our kind Father? And that He is always giving good gifts if you slow enough to find them?

As we continue heading east, I'm full of gratefulness.
Thank you, Father!

Changes

I have a new last name that somehow I've picked up rather quickly, probably due to the little second grade voices that call it so frequently. :)

I live in a new house that is becoming "home" more and more each day.

I teach in a new school with new students who I've grown to love.

I see my best friend every day after years of distance. He's so good to me, for me. We continue to grow. His love is transforming me.

I worship at a new church, but so much is so familiar. God's family transcends the miles.

I continue to sing and play my flute. 

I now live by this amazing expanse of wonder and beauty - the ocean. I can never be there long enough (unless noseums are biting). ;)

I've taken up running and find it invigorating. My first 5k is Saturday.

I've been cooking. Sometimes it's frustrating, but I'm finding it to be fun and satisfying as well.

My tennis game is improving. My partner is the best.

I walk to work. I still love the newness of mornings.

I'm thankful to live near my sister in law and brother in law. They are such a blessing.

I'm looking forward to flying home for Christmas. I can't wait to see my family. In some ways it seems like yesterday that we were enjoying our breakfast at Bob Evans on my wedding day, but it's been a few days since then. But they've been good days.

God is so good to me. For within my changing life, He remains the same. Yet, I've found Him to be more real to me each day. My relationship with Him really is the most important thing to me. I'm so thankful for how He walks with us each day.

"And my God will fulfill your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Journaling the Journey

"Are you journaling?" Linda asked me. "You'll want to journal so you can tell your kids about it some day."

So, taking a few minutes, to jot down memories from the past few days, so I can remember. Remembering is a godly discipline, because I'm keeping a chronicle of His gifts.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

I enjoyed a lovely last day of school with my kiddos. I remember sitting under the big atrium with my kids and their parents at those long tables, thinking, "Wow, I'm really going to miss these kids." No one was yelling. No one was running around. They were eating and chatting. It was so lovely.

And then, we were in traffic, running late, I was worried about their books...and I walk in the classroom as they shout "Surprise!" Decorations, burlap, lace, cake, food, balloons, and lots of children and parents. What a happy ending to a happy day. And their loving support to Lucas and me! Wow, so blessed!! I enjoyed those flowers for days. *Sigh. Such a happy memory.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Inservice Day at LBA. Lovely breakfast with the team. Savoring these friendly people who have been my coworkers for the last 2 1/2 years. Working in my classroom. Sometimes in the dark and quiet. Sometimes with the lights on and music/podcasts.

Left early and headed downtown to the Courthouse. Loved walking among those great iron walls. Stopped for a $4 coffee drink at CE. It was a hot day, and the cold coffee tasted great. Dropped off many, many books at the library. Nice lady wasn't stressed at the number of books. Found Findley Market and also figured out how to get up to PNC near UC. I love being lost and discovering new roads. Drove over to Eden Park and made a list and listened to conversations and people watched. It was a beautiful afternoon. Drove over to GBS and waited till that familiar black car pulled up behind me. :)

Lucas and I had such a wonderful counseling session with Mr. Miles. Lucas said it really hit him, that we're getting married! :) I remember sitting in that leather chair with those tall bookcases full of books, with the love of my life sitting next to me, and Mr. Miles investing in our lives in his friendly, casual manner, thinking, "I can hardly believe that I have the privilege of marrying Lucas!" This man, who's committed to loving me for life...who loves me as Jesus would...who loves learning with me...who's already leading me to become more like Jesus...who enjoys spending time with me, laughing with me...who seeks to meet my needs... Wow, this girl is abundantly blessed with this man. It is my prayer, that God will make me into the woman, the helper, the lover he needs.

"Love is always moving closer to the other person. When you find yourself moving away, you are not loving them." I still see Mr. Miles' large hands moving together until they touched. Two completely different people agreeing to meet in the middle...they become stronger together. Wow, so blessed to be a part of the 3 stranded cord.

After our nearly 2 hour counseling session that certainly didn't feel that long, we waded through the Western Choir people, and headed over to Eden Park. I was still clueless until we got out at the park and then I realized that the cooler in the back seat was a picnic Luke had planned for us! :-) He had thought of everything! Sandwiches, cheese puffs, sugar-snap peas (my favorite!) and ranch, cherries (also a favorite!), and german chocolate cake (or was it turtle?), and pop in glass bottles (with straws!). AND a red and white checkered table cloth! It was so lovely! I remember thinking, that no, we couldn't have picnics every day, but I do get to spend the rest of my life with him!!

Then we sat on the park bench and discussed our book amidst the loud music and laughter and conversation that was happening all around us. We were together. And it was wonderful! :)

As we drove home, I thought that we don't have too many more drives in separate cars. I'm ready for that to end. :)

We stayed up late and played Rook with Chelle and Andrew and saw raccoons and talked about all kinds of lovely topics. ;)

Saturday, May 31, 2014

We ate breakfast with the fam the next morning, played tennis (again thinking, "Wow! This is forever! So blessed to have this forever friend!), had another "goodbye" in the driveway (those are numbered!) and went our separate ways, he back home as I headed to LBA. Loved those looks and smiles, but slightly jealous that he was eating peas and I was not! ;)

The LBA shower was just lovely (seems to be my word of choice!). They outdid themselves with decorations, food, and gifts. Such wonderful ladies. I'll treasure the Jenga game with advice and well wishes. And wow, that food was good.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

I'm savoring singing in the Praise Team with my family and friends. It's been some wonderful years.

It's wedding month!! WOW!!!

Monday, June 2, 2014

Worked a LONG day in the classroom, but Mel came over after work and helped. What a blessing! She worked circles around me! We went to a new pizza place for supper, and I just enjoy being in her friendly presence. God is using her in great ways!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Made quite a bit of head way in the classroom. It was a perfect day to clean manipulatives: sunny and windy. So nice. Didn't realize how much stuff I had accumulated from teaching 2 1/2 years. Loaded everything on the cart, and it blew over and broke Dad's book stand, but it could have been a lot worse.

Met up with Linda for supper. What a special time! So very grateful that God brought us together in 2011. Her prayer for Lucas and me was beautiful and our conversation was so special. We are truly kindred spirits! It was exciting to hear the new changes happening in her life. It's so refreshing to see real people loving our real God and exercising real faith and real trust in Him. Wow.

And then Laura called me out of the blue when I got home. Another incredible woman who I call friend. You can just hear the joy in her voice even over the phone. Can't wait to see these lovely ladies at our wedding.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

I began packing up my personal belongings today. Brenda was an absolute God-send! And I never realized how much stuff I have! And now that it's all in Florida, I think that I certainly don't need it all! Less is more. Less is more. Less is more. Lucas will have to help me with this! :)

It was cool seeing the pile of boxes grow in the corner thinking that this is really happening! I'm moving! I'm getting married! Wow!!

Went to church tonight and had a special time of prayer with a small group. It's easy to be self-absorbed with wedding plans and moving, but it was good to remember that other people are carrying heavy burdens. I was touched to see Steve so broken about his lost son. God, help me to always keep your perspective and see the world through your eyes.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Finished packing up all my stuff. I enjoyed going through stacks and stacks of cards, remembering all the people who've invested in my life. It was fun finding a few notes/cards from Lucas that I had forgotten about. That man has certainly been loving me for a long time. So blessed!

Drove on some favorite country roads over to Braelynn's birthday party. It was fun seeing the whole fam again and seeing Braelynn destroy that ladybug cake!

Luke and Dad Ryder made it in with the big moving truck and dolly (sp?!) for Reginald. Seeing that big truck in the driveway was so cool! We're really moving to Florida! Enjoyed chatting for a few minutes in the kitchen before heading to bed.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Moving Day! The early morning was absolutely beautiful as we began carrying box after box to the truck. Luke was so great about getting all of my junk to fit! Then they loaded up Reginald and off we went. I do confess that I snapped several pictures of Regi and the truck as they drove in front of me.

We stopped for gas and a hug across the pump. :) He noted that my hands were cold. I think God is giving us cooler weather as a little gift before we cross into the sunny, hot land of Florida. ;)

Luke and I drove to Batavia and got our official documents saying that we are really going to do this thing called marriage! :) But, so blessed to know that our covenant is so much more than a piece of paper. This is before God, and will only be lasting because of His help, His grace, His strength. I'm so thankful to be marrying a man who is rooted and secure in who he is in God and who is living out his purpose of loving God and loving others. Again, I remember feeling overwhelmed by gratefulness for Lucas.

We drove back to Meijer, said our goodbye's (which included him running to give me a quick kiss :D) and they were on their way to Florida. I couldn't help thinking that in a few short weeks, I too will be with him as we drive to Florida for good!

Friday night was my personal shower at Rachelle's. So thankful for the wonderful women God has brought into my life. The whole evening was just lovely. Lots of laughter, good food, great gifts;), and that deep peace that comes with fellowship with believers. So blessed.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

A beautiful day filled with wedding preparations with my family. Lots of good memories made today! Dad and Andrew made a bonfire and lit the tiki torches tonight. It was beautiful.

Luke sent pictures of our home filled with all the boxes. He and his dad worked so very hard after an extra long trip. Lucas is such a loyal man...a hard-worker who does his job well. I'm so very blessed to have him be my protector and provider. I can't wait to set up house and live with him!

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Today, we had a very special service marked with God's presence.

I took an extra long nap and then enjoyed reading out of the Psalms when I woke up. Luke prayed that we would not get too busy in these last few weeks for our time with God. There are so many things pulling for us, it will take deliberate choices, but time with God must come first!

It was lovely hearing Luke's voice again and catching up about our weekends. He also prayed that God would help us to have His perspective about our wedding. So much planning is going into this one day, that it's easy to forget all the days following! I'm thankful for a fiance who keeps me grounded and helps me see things globally when it's so easy to focus on all of these details.

He is just so wonderful, that Lucas! :)

And it's late! And tomorrow's another full day of life!

These are the best days of my life! And my future days will be even better!

Thankful for this journey!

Good night!

An Open Letter to my Fiance

My dear Lucas,

I had intentions of writing this letter and posting it on the 28th, but you can see that that didn't quite happen. ;) But I still want to write some of my thoughts down for years to come (or until the Internet becomes obsolete). ;)

Can you believe it?! We're getting married in less than a month!! I still remember receiving an email from you several years ago that said that you knew that I'd be a part of your life. I still remember feeling incredibly excited, amazed, and awed by that thought.

And now, here we are. Getting ready to embark on this new chapter in the journey, except now we'll be walking together, side by side. For most of our dating and engagement, we've been separated by many miles. I so look forward to being with you day after day after day after day! I'm excited to set up house with you, to develop our routines and habits as a couple, to learn and grow with you.

Thanks for believing in me...for seeing something beautiful in me so many years ago. Thank you for calling and coming and calling and coming...with each mile and each "send," you show me again your great love for me. I'm so grateful for your love; for how you seek my best. Wow, I'm so blessed to have you.

I already sense that these next days will be so busy. We will be pulled in many directions. Our minds will be full. Our emotions will be unruly. But this I know, God has led us to this point. We've followed His guidance. We both desire for our wedding and marriage to glorify God, to point others to Jesus' tranformative love to us. And He will help us in these busy moments, to find His peace and His joy.

I choose you Lucas Ryder! I love you Lucas! I can't wait to be your forever bride!

With all my love,

Alanna

P.S. I can't even begin to express how wonderful "Mr. and Mrs. Lucas Ryder" looks on that envelope!

Out of the Mouths of Children

I've had a stack of papers on my floor since the fourth or fifth week of school. The students had to write a poem or song of praise to God. I loved what they came up with and wanted to document it on the blog. I tried to leave their original spelling and punctuation. :)

I only have three days left with these kids. I've definitely been feeling bittersweet feelings over the whole matter. This has really been a special year with a unique bunch of kids. As Lucas prayed with me last night, more than anything academic or musical that we may have taught our students, I pray these students remember the love I have for them and the love God has for them. I want them to remember that the one true God loves them so much He sent Jesus to be our Savior. He wants a forever relationship with them. God's mercy is real! His grace helps us change.

Pray that these last three days are filled with opportunities for me to reflect my Jesus to these precious children.

Here are their poems/songs:

"God your the best. You give grace to the humble. I love you are the best. in anywey." - Sofia

"God you help me not sin! your the most power God I no becuse your the only God I love! your my God your my sae!" - Nevaeh

"you are All powerflull God We All Love you God." - Ralph

"You are our God you are perfite you are our mystare." - Matthieu

"God your the Best
God your the Best
God your the Best
God your the Best." - Ronith

"God is wonerful! God is loving! God is great!" - Anish

"He is all powerfull in all wase He saved us He Helb." - Shreyank

"Praise for God Praise for the Loord! Praise for scol Praise fo make good. God is ior save God I love! Love! Love! Love! Love! Love! Love! Love! Love! you." - Cinthia

"God you are all Powerful. You are strong when I am afraid You confort me you are most powful aboth all Gods there is no God like you O Lord" - Timothy

"God has all prwoer. God you are speshel. God you are loving! God your the eprier. God you are great." - Daniel

"Your my god your my god you make lie in the green pastures your my God!" - Adam

"God I love you I wish I can go to chrch evereybay and Praise you evereybay and I want to diy and Be with you" - Maddy

Love

Today I saw and experienced many forms of love today.

Love between a groom and his new bride.
Love between a husband and wife as they handled their young children.
Love between old friends and newer acquaintances.
Love between a brother and a sister.
Love between a boyfriend and his girlfriend.
Love between a teacher and her students.
Love between a fiance and his bride-to-be.

Dr. Glick said tonight that we are all students in the school of love and we are all slow learners.

I'm reminded that loving someone isn't something to be checked off a list. There isn't a mysterious, hidden trick that has to be found. Loving someone isn't a stagnant routine or habit. It's alive, fresh. It grows, matures. It is always seeking the others best.

Our example is divine as Dr. Glick said. We can only truly love when God's spirit is enabling-when He is in-dwelling and governing our lives.

Love is an action.

"Love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous, it does not boast, it does not become conceited, it does not behave dishonorably, it is not selfish, it does not become angry, it does not keep a record of wrongs, it does not rejoice at unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." (1 Cor. 13:4-8a LEB)

Today marked four months when this sweet man said he loved me and wanted to marry me. Love has and is transforming our lives. What a immense privilege to be in this love relationship with him! May our love continue to deepen and reflect Jesus' love.

Perspective

Often I come to the end of the day and feel discouraged if I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted to. Or I'll feel good if I've been especially productive. But I'm realizing that it is dangerous to base my worth or value on what I do. Yes, we do have a sense of satisfaction when we've completed a task. I believe that God created us to feel this way. But I need to be careful to not allow feelings of guilt or disappointment cloud my mind when I haven't checked off all the lists.

My focus should be: Did I walk with Jesus today? Did I allow Him, invite Him into my day, my lists, my schedule? Did I follow the Holy Spirit's promptings?

I'm finding that when my focus is Jesus and adopting His mind, I find true satisfaction and fulfillment. I'm able to accomplish what I need to do, but often it isn't the mountain it seemed to be.

Having the right perspective is powerful.

Swirling

This is how I describe the last few weeks.

Swirling.

How is it possible to feel so many emotions at one time?

Life is happening at such a fast pace. I find myself trying to slow. Noticing the small. Finding that quiet spot in all the chatter.

Those bright stars.
The sound of his voice.
The cows. The calves. The green fields.
The brazen clouds through the window.
The smell of woodsmoke.
Laughter.
A familiar song.
Reading our story again. Looking at our pictures again. Smiling. How can beautiful dreams actually be coming true?

The lists are endless. The piles are building.

But life, love, is worth it. Despite the busyness, the noise, the exhaustion, the power of love propels me forward.

Because, I'm created to love. To serve. To give myself away.

Swirling.

Only the Beginning

Even though I saw snowflakes today, the blog needs a spring picture. We've had a few glimpses of spring so I remain optimistic that she'll be here in full bloom very soon!

I love this man so much. We're getting married three months from yesterday. I wouldn't trade our journey, this adventure, for anything in the world. What an immense blessing to love him and be loved by him. Even though we live four hours away and are both tackling enormous lists in regards to the wedding and our future, we're enjoying this time. We're growing closer to each other. Finding joy in the moments.

It was wonderful being with him this weekend. Driving in our new-to-us, Tracy. Walking hand in hand along the river with those sparkling lights. Enjoying a meal together filled with refreshing laughter and conversation. That bubbly tea. Being close to him. Experiencing life with him.

And today - enjoying breakfast together with the family. Running errands in the rain. Eating a meal with our families knowing this is just the beginning.

It's hard - the distance. Saying goodbye again. But, if I can just remember - this is only the beginning. The best is yet to come.

Because of Jesus. Because He's living. He's working. His plans are good. His people are good. Choosing to love is good. It's safe. It's secure. It's not always easy. Pain is inevitable. But living a life of love is what we're created to do. It's how God redeems His world. He loves us and we love those around us. Each moment, each life is an opportunity to love. 

In all the planning and preparation, I don't want to fail to live in this moment. To love in this moment. 

"Today can be unwavering peace because an uncertain tomorrow can be trusted to an unchanging God." - A. Voskamp

Moments of Grace

- Sunshine, glorious sunshine.
- The sweetest fiance I could ever ask for! His love is changing me!
- A whole day to spend with him Saturday! :-)
- Seeing the kids so excited about their biography reports...
- Public libraries!!
- Catchy rhythm that makes learning our Bible verses fun!
- All the bridesmaids have their dresses!
- Coffee drinks given to me by two different people!
- His peace (John 14:27)
- The kids asking to listen to music while they did their cursive. :)
- How well they listen to Adventures in Odyssey at lunch... May His word not return void!
- Remembering that macaroni make perfect commas...a fun extra to do tomorrow.
- Thankful that one of my dear ones did not run out of the room once! It's the little things! ;)
- Those flowers from my love that are still so pretty!
- That fact that God is always present! He sees. He knows.

Hebrews 13:8

These last weeks have been filled with more joy than I can describe. I am incredibly excited about marrying Lucas Ryder. He is more than I've ever dreamed God would have for me. I'm so overwhelmingly blessed by him. His wisdom, his perspective, his interest, his humor, his commitment... I'm so grateful.

Yes. There are more details than I could have possibly thought there'd be. The temptation to hyper focus on the wedding day is there. How are there so many options?!

But, God never changes. His hand is on our relationship. He cares about us. He also cares about making us holy. Set apart. For Him. To be used by Him, for His purposes.

So, I will rest. I will marvel. I will live slow, savoring His ever present grace. I will live with my palms open... because my Father gives good gifts to His children.

I will give thanks.

And smile.

January 19, 2014 :-)

Last Sunday was January 19, 2014. It was already a very special day, because it was January 19, 2013 when Lucas and I began "officially" dating again. I had hoped to go see him, since I had MLKJ Day off, but he said he was "really busy" that weekend, so I was planning to travel the next.

Even though we were apart, he made it very special. Prior to last Sunday, I received eight handwritten letters in the mail. All different, all very sweet, all sharing his thoughts.

So, I was happy last Sunday. Missing him, of course, but reveling in all of our memories from this last year. I had been planning to update Facebook with a picture and some words about him in regards to our one year dating anniversary.

After church that night, I sat at the computer, looking through pictures, choosing one, and I sat, deep in thought, thinking of what I wanted to say. I remember just sitting, lost in thought, lost in memories...and for whatever reason I turned, and there! sitting less than a foot from me is Lucas! In the flesh! With a gorgeous bouquet of red roses! I had no idea he had slipped in!!

I screamed! "Lucas!! What are you doing here?!" I was laughing, nearly crying, hugging him, my family all there...I couldn't believe he had surprised me.

So he asked me to help him get things from his car. I went and got my coat, and he said I needed gloves...it was cold. And then I thought...oh my goodness! I think I know what he's about to do. :-)

We walked outside, I'm still in complete shock that he's here. We looked up at the stars poking through the clouds. He said that there wasn't very many stars out tonight. "They're still there, behind the clouds," I reminded him. We talked about what we've learned this year about each other, about trust, commitment, about love. For the first time, he said those life-changing words, "I love you, Alanna."

And he patted the snow on my driveway with his shoe. My driveway where I spent countless hours walking and talking on the phone with him. That driveway where we sat so many times talking in the car before going into my house. And there in the snow under those beautiful stars, he knelt and asked me to marry him.

*Sigh* 

It will forever be a special memory in my mind.

Everything that followed was such a blur of joy. Sharing the news with our parents, our siblings, our families, our friends. That giddy crazy excitement of realizing we will spend our lives together.

What happened on January 19, 2014 has changed my life! :-)

So now, the planning for our wedding is in full swing. But we are also preparing for our marriage. For that happy day will be here and gone before we know it, but our marriage will remain for as long as God gives us life. I can't even express the supreme honor I feel being chosen by Lucas to become his wife. To have the privilege to live out my days at his side. I know I can trust him with my heart, to lead me closer to Jesus. He, like no other, inspires me to be all that I can be for God...to use this life to grow, to become, to love, to reach out. I am so excited about ministering alongside him in God's kingdom, wherever that will be. Lucas completes me, sharpens me, softens me. His love is changing me. And I like who I'm becoming.

I love you, Lucas Ryder. I'm looking forward to the day when I become your wife!

Two Years

It has been two years, exactly to the day, that I have been teaching full-time.

Let's just let that sink in.

;-)

Wow.

Two years. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I didn't do it well. I had so much fear. But God brought so many people that spoke truth in my life during that time. His word was (is) my refuge.

I've had several quotes/verses on my mirror for nearly two years now.

"Faith In. Fear Out" - Laura Bell

"Fake it till you make it."

"Love thinks the best!"

"Practice, Practice, Practice! You are what you repeatedly do!" - David Hartkopf

"Be prepared to thank God in any circumstance."

"I may be small, but I can do BIG things with Jesus."

"You either live with the pain of discipline or the pain of regret." - heard on KLOVE

"Keep Calm and Count On"

"The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; And His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life." - Psalm 42:8

"O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." Psalm 90:14

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." James 1:2-3

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." - Galatians 6:9

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith, in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing." - 2 Tim.4:7-8

"Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." - James 1:12

These were my life-line through long, stressful, frustrating days, and long, fitful, fearful nights.

But the story doesn't end there.

Two years later.

What have I learned?

To laugh more, and loathe less.

To smile, to sing.

That perfection is not the goal, but progress, principles.

That anything is better when it's a game.

That prayer is the best preparation.

That giving thanks is how to breathe.

To keep the main thing, the main thing. And often, completion of a worksheet, is not the main thing.

To listen more, and talk less.

That a little "brain food" (candy, goldfish) never hurt anyone. ;)

To celebrate.

To slow down.


Over the past two years, I've had the supreme privilege and honor of being "teacher" to 45 kids.

Wow.

That number will humble you.

45.

Was I Jesus to them? Are they seeing Jesus in me?

Prayer is truly the best preparation to fulfill your purpose.

Lord Jesus. You are so faithful. When I'm weak, You are strong. Thank you for your closeness these last two years...for equipping me each day with what I need. May Your word, the seeds, not return void. May these 45 be world-changers for You. Help me to continue learning and growing alongside them. Thank you for this incredible opportunity to be Your hands and feet. I need You Jesus every moment.